TOP NEWS

"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

’ll take two heaping servings of mom guilt with an extra side of feeling judged”

My sister sent me this text the other day (the middle text)
This is the same sister who:
Coached  me all though the night and into the next day when I was in labor.  After just having her son 9 -weeks prior.
Sends lists of things to do with E that don’t involve Disney Jr.
Still breastfeeds her 14-month-old because it is the best, most pure nutrition in addition to create extra bonding time.
Sends me freezer recipes that are both healthy and organic.
Hangs out with her boys outside in the cold Washington rain because that is what they want to do.
Goes on date nights once a week to keep her marriage healthy.
Refuses the cry-it-out method.
Doesn’t have cable.
Doesn’t give her kids candy or McDonalds.
Has patience to rival Jesus.
And please note, that the text is sandwiched between two texts with “things to do besides TV for E.
And then the day after I read that text, I read this blog post shawnisms by one of my good friends about mom guilt.  To sum it up, she feels guilty for not feeling “mom guilt” because most moms feel guilt – about everything.  – so essentially, guilt for not feeling guilt.  Impressive.
So of course, I dug deep down within to see how I was doing on the mom guilt scale.  At first ponder, I thought I had very little mom guilt.  After all, Ben and I together agreed that sitting Ellyette in front of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every morning at 6:00 a.m. so we could drink our coffee and wake up was perfectly acceptable despite the potential language development delay it will probably cause.
Under further assessment, I concluded that, no I did not have much mom guilt, so a quick pat on the back and some Mickey Mouse Club later, that was that.
But then, she woke up last night throwing up.  I spent the next 8 hours holding her tiny body, cleaning up throw-up and trying to figure out what I had done to cause her to get sick (naturally).  Was it the handful of blueberries I didn’t wash before letting her eat them? Did I let her out of my sight long enough to let her swallow something poisonous?  Did I let her drink bad milk?  Did I pull her off fast enough when she decided to French kiss the shopping cart?
Yep.  The mommy guilt came pouring on like government excuses in an NSA leak. (too soon?)  It hit me when I least expected it and made me feel, well, bad.
This morning (during nap time of course to avoid extra guilt) I went online to check out how come mom’s feel so bad about everything and blame themselves for things that are totally out of their control.  The first article on the first page  (of the 24,900,000 “mom guilt” pages that popped up) was Parenting Magazine’s  31 Resons you shouldn't feel mom guilt
What a mistake I made by reading that.  The ludicrous content of the article made me realize why moms do feel guilty all the time.  I’m guessing the article was written by the original sanctimommy herself. I mean come on.  Who would seriously feel guilty about being a better parent than the deadbeats on Supernanny?  And then “employs her techniques” if we see something we can incorporate into our own parenting.  Blah. Blah. Blah
Just read some of the ridiculousness from its top 31….
2 Feeling smug that you're a better parent than those on Supernanny. No worries. We all feel smug watching Supernanny. Until we don't, at which time we employ her techniques.
3 Not signing up to be class parent. Think of it this way: Your ability to say no to volunteer tasks you can't handle will leave you better able to concentrate on what only you can do, like getting your kids fed, dressed, and onto the bus. Some days, that's huge!
6 Buying your daughter the generic UGGs. She'll live without the label, even if she thinks she will not, and her tootsies will be just as toasty.
8 Giving him the answer to the last problem on his math homework. He'll get more practice with the teacher in school.
9 Dipping into your son's goody bag when he isn't looking. What's a funsize Snickers between family members?
11 Accepting your son's compliment that you're a good cook when he's eating pre-breaded microwave chicken breasts. You did your part. You pressed "Start."
13 Stashing the Häagen-Dazs in the back of the freezer, and showcasing the supermarket brand. If they're not ready to dig, they're not ready to appreciate the premium stuff.
16 Making your daughter get down from the top of the monkey bars, simply because it makes you nervous. Yes, she's done it a million times safely, and she'll likely do it again, but who says you have to watch? Your comfort level counts, too!
17 Making the grandparents take them to "Disney on Ice." It's torture for you, but for them, it's a future memory they'll cherish forever. What's the problem?
19 Being psyched that the best friend you never liked has moved to another state. You're not happy your daughter is upset, of course, and you'll help her through it. But being secretly pleased that you won't ever have to host Little Miss Caitlin-Who-Gets-to-Wear-Belly-Shirts for a sleepover again doesn't make you a bad person.
23 Only pretending to be sad that your child's birthday falls in mid-August. No gigantic birthday parties, full of political decisions as to whom to invite.
27 Not letting her pierce her ears until the age at which you were allowed to. Just because.
29 Noticing the hot dad at drop-off. Ahem, you have eyes in your head, and (sex drive or no) you're not dead yet! Did you lick him? No? You're okay.
Who would ever feel guilty about any of those things before the list just told us we should…err.. shouldn’t?  Come on, noticing a hot dad at drop off was on the list?  I could see, “blaming yourself for your child throwing up all night.”  Or “Blaming yourself for your child being kicked out of Sunday School for slide tackling the other kids”  When you didn’t even know what slide tacking was until the Sunday School teacher told you.  Or possibly, “Feeding your kids things in boxes or cans.”  Or perhaps, “letting your kid watch TV, especially the non PBS type. Those are all things that cause unwarranted “mommy guilt.”  Not “stashing the name brand ice-cream in the back of the freezer.” 
Give me a break.  
So what or who sets the standards of acceptable vs. unacceptable child rearing practices?  Is it articles like the one above, other moms?  Society in general?
I semi-regularly visit a Facebook page called Sanctimommy.  It is a satire (I think?) about a totally judgmental mom who posts obnoxious self-righteous opinions about raising children.  I always get a good laugh out of it because it is so, well, sanctimonious.  Here are just a couple of her posts.
Pretty entertaining, even though I am left-handed – scorn you, my parents.  
I’m not sure if pages like this add or detract from mom judgement, but one thing is for sure.  People and their opinions are not going away any time soon.  The most I can do for myself is work on getting my ticker back down to 1 and just do the best I can. And if she turns out to be a menace? I’ll just blame her friends.

0 comments: