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"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

The preying mantis just might have it right

What do the following creatures have in common?
















They just might be the most evolved creatures on the planet. That's what.

Yes, my friends, they might just be the most evolved creatures on the planet because they all eat their mates after reproduction.

I preface the rest of this post by saying Ben probably tries harder than most guys. Ironically, before we had our own baby, he was donned the "baby whisperer" by all of my friends because he was so good with babies. In fact, I think he was the sole reason my family was at all comfortable with us having kids. Come to think of it, he was the sole reason I was comfortable having kids. However, I wouldn't go so far as to use my mom's words... "Ben is so good with kids. Krista, I worry that you will leave the car seat on top of the car with the baby in it before driving away." - Thanks mom. Such confidence.

But oh the crazy tides of fate have turned. Gone is the "baby whisperer" and all his wise words and abilities to coax babies to quit crying. In his place, was left with a panicked new dad who watches helplessly after handing off his daughter to supermom (aka, me). This new dad has also conveniently forgotten how to do basic such things like folding the laundry, vacuuming, dusting, cooking and other things that don't involve the iPhone, computer, TV and iPad. Where those skills went? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

What is so scary about this???










In fact, right now, he is so scared of Ellyette that it exhausts me to hear about his Wednesdays with her (the day that he has her all to himself). A typical day? See below:


See time of first post. Note that I start my work day at 10:00 a.m.

He sends me a picture of her sucking her hands (which I did as a baby too (and then on into toddlerhood and probably beyond that, unfortunately)). He also sends a picture to be sure that I know what he's talking about. Because clearly, he's the only one that has seen such behavior....

His response to my attempt at humor. And then another picture of a half-full bottle because either he thinks I'm an idiot or he doesn't think I believe his stories.

His victory at defeating the little one into a nap - in the crib no less. And another picture to prove it. And then one hour later, a plea for me to cut out of work early.

Me checking in after the nap. Then giving advice after seeing the bad news.

Still discussing the baby an hour later.....

Me cutting out of work an hour early (again) so I can quit getting these texts. Although, clearly it wasn't early enough.













I'm wondering if Ben secretly hopes I'll get fired for 1. Being on my phone responding to his texts all day, or 2. Leaving work early to save him from his daughter. Either way, I'd be annoyed to get fired because my husband is scared of his baby.

I might be a little more irritated if I thought he was the only guy to respond this way to his baby. However, I hear war stories from pretty much every mom I know. I think it might be a universal thing, like when a guy becomes sick. They all turn into the biggest whiniest babies at the hint of the slightest sniffle. I know Ben knocks on death's door every time he feels less than stellar. So dramatic men are. Even in the above texts, he uses phrases like,"battling me," "eating her hands," "hates it," "full force," and "starvation." If I didn't know better, I would have thought my house had turned into a war zone full of end-of-time zombies.

To make myself laugh at both Ben and men in general, I read this article often and laugh. Guys are all wired the same. Even guys known as the "baby whisperer."

http://m.deadspin.com/5911089/the-dadspin-guide-to-feeding-a-baby








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