"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

Tough Bitch Club

After a round of IVF, over 9 months of pregnancy, 14 hours of labor and a 7lb 6oz baby girl later, I feel like I’ve officially earned my place.

Look, it’s me right before we went to the hospital at 7:00 a.m. in the morning. Ben thought we should add it to the already scarce “document how big you are getting” preggo pictures that I would only take after being harassed by my mother. You almost can’t tell I had been up all night with seven hours worth of contractions.

Look, it’s me again at the hospital after they admitted me. This is the last in-between contraction smile I will have until after she is born. Right after this picture the doctor came in and broke my water. My contractions went from a “4” on the pain scale to “I can’t breath, please let me curl up into the fetal position and die”.

Not my finest moment.

While most smart women would opt for the epidural at this point, I decided that if insurance was going to pay for the birthing room, I wanted to use the jetted tub that was included. Plus my doctor told me that by waiting to get the epidural until I was six centimeters dilated, I would be at minimal risk for C-section. So, off I went to the tub.

A word to the wise – jetted tubs, no matter how awesome, are not as magnificent when you feel like your body is splitting in two.

The rest of the story is history. Two hours and one push of the emergency button later (everyone should be so lucky to almost give their mom a heart attack while a brigade of doctors and nurses rush to their room). All is well that ends well. Ellyette Mae Hummel was born at 3:17 p.m. after about an hour of pushing. 7lbs 6 oz of awesomeness.

It’s nice to finally be amongst all the tough bitches who have ever had a kid. Hooray for us.