TOP NEWS

"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

I would rather wear a parachute

My sister recently told me about a maternity sale old navy was having. She was so excited about it and to quote her text, “you are so lucky you have a maternity section at your Old Navy. I have to get all my stuff online. You should take advantage of that.”
I had never been maternity clothes shopping before. It sounded like fun. In fact, the very day she sent me the text, I rushed off to Old Navy to find the jackpot off all cute maternity clothes. I wanted dresses that show off my baby bump while making my love handles invisible or cute shirts that made a trendy statement, and work pants that didn’t look “maternity.”
What I got was a great big nasty surprise.

Yikes!! I wanted a dress, not a mumu

This outfit was not exactly what I had in mind.....

Just in case the other two pictures didn't get my point across with enough persuasion







For those of you who believe maternity clothes have come a long way, just stop by Old Navy. Most….no, who am I kidding….ALL of the maternity clothes that I looked at screamed, “well, you’ve had a good run at things, but now’s the time to give up on appearances and accept your decrepit fate as huge and unattractive. It’s a good thing you are knocked up and your husband can’t leave you, because after wearing these threads, he just might want to.

Since this depressing experience at Old Navy, I have also glanced at the Macy’s maternity section (the whole 6x6 area of it anyway). It might as well have been a pricier Old Navy.. Nothing even remotely cute. And now that I am one stretching belly band away from actually needing maternity clothes on a daily basis, I am starting to panic. Will my fate be the above pictures? Will I try to squeeze in my current jeans regardless of how obnoxious my muffin top appears?

I have determined that I will spend part of Sunday doing nothing but looking at maternity clothes and do my best to ignore the enormous elastic banded waist that every pair of pants seems to have. And the excessively tapered or massive boot cut bottoms. Or the tops that look like parachutes or are made with nothing but lycra. Or the brightly patterned sweaters that are so loud they could actually cause a migraine headache.
I must stop before I psych myself out of this attempted shopping expedition. Blah. Wish me luck.

2 comments: