"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

I hope you like mullets and bad sweaters

As if pregnancy didn't carry enough worries on its own... For most it begins either the day they conceive. "Surprise! I hope you are know the cost of a kid is more than you will make in a lifetime right?" Or in my case, the date you realize you can't conceive. "What do you mean I have to remove my Fallopian tube?....The cost of IVF is WHAT?"

And the worries continue from that point on. From the worry of miscarriage in the first trimester to the worry of chromosomal abnormalities and defects in the second trimester and all the way through until....."the day you die most likely" I'm told by my own mother and mother-in-law.

Sounds fun right? So imagine my surprise when I recently read that I should add another nail-biter to my already growing list of pre-motherhood worries. I stumbled on not just one, but several articles taking about how a mother-to-be needs to watch her emotions because it affects the future personality of the baby. One of the articles went beyond that statement and proclaimed that a mother-to-be should really be careful about the environment she put herself in, because that too could affect the personality of the baby outside the womb. The article encouraged things like soft music, dim lights, and uplifting scents.

Almost all of the articles mentioned that the mother-to-be better start watching what she eats because the baby can taste halfway into the second trimester and will want to eat the same things that it remembers in-utero.

So based on these theories I have already ruined my unborn child. As I think back on my pregnancy so far, I know my child will want to eat nothing but tater tots and Trader Joe's Apple Cider. He or she will also sit on the couch all day long and watch Man vs. Food, Castle, and The Steven Colbert show while crying randomly at all three for no good reason at all. And as far as the environmental factors I have unknowingly bestowed upon my child, well, see for yourself.....

The bar for some live music. Ziggy will not only come out playing David Bowie's greatest hits, he will also be playing the likes of Fleetwood Mac, The Commodores, Bon Jovi, and Creepy Jack

Having season tickets for football will clearly turn Ziggy into a chest painting, Mohawk wearing, beer drinking, tailgating fool...... And we were considering moving to the family section next year. Not anymore.

NASCAR. A picture speaks a thousand words.

And most recently, when Ziggy isn't sporting a jersey or NASCAR coat, he will be sporting an ugly holiday sweater.

If there are any truths to these articles, socialization for Ziggy Stardust should be no problem at all.