TOP NEWS

"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

The baby monster

For those of you who don't believe, I am here to tell you that baby monsters do exist and I have seen one with my very own eyes. In fact, not only have I seen one, I have shared very close quarters with one. Was I scared? A little. However, throughout my interactions with this creature I have learned that while it is impossible to tame this wild beast, it is possible to calm it down every so often.

Here is the description for everybody to look out for:

6'1", brown hair, medium build, and a nice smile. One can find the baby monster either at work, on the golf course, watching football, or checking his fantasy football team somewhat neurotically.


One of the two of these guys just might be the baby monster....








There are several qualifications that go into earning the title of baby monster and here they are in no particular order:

-An Amazon wish list spanning over 12 large-ticket-items

-A memorization of every safety statistic on all major baby items including; cribs, bouncers, high chairs, and "Pack n' Plays".

-A tutorial for yours truly with pictures included, referencing the above baby items in order to ensure a competent wife and baby momma.

-An impulse to buy the number one rated bouncer (both portable and plug-in) as well as the number one rated crib regardless of the price tag.

-A constant reference to "styling the baby out."

-Cleaning up, re-arranging the house, and creating a perfect baby room all without my asking or help.

-Setting up both bouncers and the crib without any prompting, while still completely ignoring my yearlong request to fix the entry closet door.

-Going to Baby's R Us and Target to find a shower gift for Ben's "sista from another mista" and having him say "I'm ecstatic. All the stuff I've seen online is finally coming to life". And "Don't you love the Snuggabunny? Feel it. It's so soft."

.....But actually, I would take a baby monster any day. Not only do they make sure the baby will be cared for, they also take care of sickies who are glued to the couch by doing all the day-to-day stuff and not complaining about a thing.

So for all who are worried, my advice is to bring on the monsters!

1 comment: