"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

Dear Progesterone, I hate you

Right before I left the clinic for the last time, I was given some parting gifts to help me on my pregnancy journey. These gifts included; pictures of the newly implanted embryos (awesome), and prescriptions for Prednisone (less awesome), and progesterone (not awesome at all).

The pictures, I assume, were given to me so I could see where all of my money went. And also to prove, that the clinic completed the job it was supposed to, and now the fate of our embryos was my complete and total responsibility.

The progesterone and the Prednisone were given to me to support the pregnancy. Apparently, IVF is not a natural enough process that the body picks up where all the injections left off. Weird.

The Prednisone is used to prevent rejection of the embryo until my body decides it is ok to have a foreigner loitering in my uterus for a few months.

It would have been nice to know about Prednisone when I was a five-year-old and had a hamster named Daisy who escaped out of her cage right after having babies. Our family made it a mission to keep the babies alive by feeding them out of a tiny bottle. After my dad found Daisy and put her back in her cage, she didn't recognize the babies as her own... The rest of the grotesque story is still traumatic to me. It was my first real life lesson on how cruel life can be in the wild.

Enough about mothers eating their young...

Anyway, the progesterone suppositories are to supplement the extra amount of hormone my body needs in order to have a healthy pregnancy because my body isn't doing it on its own yet.

These two drugs will be a daily part of my life for the entire first trimester. And while the Prednisone has left me alone for the most part, the progesterone does nothing but torment me day in and day out.

First off, those medium-sized white balls have to be taken twice a day, two at a time. And I don't swallow them. I shove them as close to the embryo as they will go, and then lay down for an hour so they don't leak out immediately. But part of them still leaks out, slowly and all day long. It is gross, white and wet. And that isn't even the worst of it. I put them in and immediately bloat at least two sizes. And then I turn crazy. In fact, in the beginning of taking these crazy pills, I had to limit myself to cry only once a day. The pharmacist in Bulgaria has my prescription? Cry hysterically. The restaurant doesn't have anything that sounds good to me? Cry. That commercial has a puppy? Cry. The commercial has a truck, car, person, soda, food item, or detergent? Cry. And that's not all folks, my knockers have also grown ten-fold. While most women would be happy with the added enlargement, mine have gotten so big, that I fear they will completely take over my upper body and I will actually have to tie them down in order to be able to see. What even comes after "d" sizes? Whatever it is, I will need it if these babies keep growing.

And, you have to be super careful when it comes to inserting those things. Even a good hand washing before and after doesn't always do the trick. The other day, I decided to make southwest egg rolls for dinner (they were delicious by the way). One of the ingredients was jalapenos. Just like everything else, I cut it up and added it to the recipe. I didn't think anything of it until suppository time. Even after I had washed my hands numerous times between cutting the jalapeno and bedtime, it didn't matter. Imagine my surprise when right after inserting the progesterone I started to feel a burning sensation. At first I didn't know what was going on, and then it hit me. The jalapeno. I spent the next two hours burning from the inside out until I was finally able to go to sleep. Not a pleasant sensation, but a very good lesson

The bottom line: While I dislike progesterone immensely, the fact that I'm still taking it is very good news. And, if it keeps the loitering embryo(s) happy and exactly where they are, I'll keep shoving them up there. I just need to remember to stay away from the jalapenos in the future.

1 comment:

  1. Congrats to your pregnancy! and welcome to the blogging world. Visiting from LFCA.