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"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"

Forget Weddings and Baby Showers.....IVF extravaganza is all the new rage

Look out brides and mothers-to-be. As you have monopolized the celebration circuit for the duration of eternity, it is time to move aside for a new kind of party: IVF extravaganza.

I have taken the liberty to compare the three occasions to see how they compare in a head-to-head competition with one another.

The main event show piece
Bride: Sparkly engagement ring
MTB: Baby bump
IVF: Brand new Gonal-F injection kit complete with rubbing alcohol pads and daily needles.



Winner: MTB












Sweet celebration treat
Bride: Over-the-top, multi-tiered, overpriced cake
MTB: chocolate and vanilla cupcakes with either pink or blue frosting
IVF: Homemade coffee cake with fertility based acronyms and an equal amount of sperm and egg, elaborately decorated with frosting. (Thanks Heather! Best cake ever)

Winner: IVF


















Celebration Drinks
Bride: Champagne and punch
MTB: Punch
IVF: Vodka

Winner: IVF


Attitude of Honored guest

Bride: Excited in the beginning, stressed, bitchy and hormonal at the end
MTB: Excited and scared throughout, but also bitchy and hormonal
IVF: Bitchy and hormonal

Winner: Draw

General cost involved
Bride:$20,000
MTB: $100,000 plus college
IVF: $16,000 plus repeating cycles

Winner: MTB

Celebratory gifts
Bride:Household items
MTB:Baby items
IVF: Items for ME!! Like a personal printed photo from Bali (Thanks Lisa!)



Winner: IVF











Threads
Bride:Beautiful wedding gown
MTB:Cute dress that shows off baby bump
IVF:Magic red sweats.



Winner: Bride (Although, magic red sweats were a close second)














Food
Bride:Prime rib buffet
MTB: Finger sandwiches and quiche
IVF: Nearest happy hour

Winner: IVF

Decorations
Bride:Flower and floating candle centerpieces with satin overlays and matching chair covers
MTB: Pastel balloons, "It's a girl/boy!" sign, and diapers filled with melted Milky Way
IVF: Tag board sign that says, "BFP! BFP!"

Winner: Bride


Games

Bride: Guessing game about how well guests know couple
MTB: Guessing game uncovering the mystery baby food flavors and chocolate substance in diaper
IVF: Guessing game with egg and sperm quality/quantity

Winner: Draw

Theme song
Bride: Another One Bites the Dust
MTB: Rainin' Babies
IVF: Don't Stop Believing

Winner: IVF

Selfish obsession level between 1-10
Bride:11
MTB:11
IVF:11

Winner: Draw

Grand Tally:

Bride:2
MTB:1
IVF:4

Extravaganza, here we come

4 comments:

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