"As for me, I'll take one baby marinated in a dish please"


Not much embarrasses me. I have no problems being the lone person on a wedding dance floor, tearing it up to "Living on a Prayer," my mouth filter generally reads “foot in,” and things that would normally cause a flushed reaction tend to go right over the top of my already short head.

Maybe my lack of embarrassment comes from my knack for falling down regularly in very public places (concerts, busy restaurants, etc..) or because I have undressed “from the waist down” enough times to have no shame. Regardless, I don’t get the “red face flush” very often, but I did today.

Here goes……I posted on a fertility forum and Ben caught me. It was only two posts, and they were super causal, and I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I swear.

A brief background: Over the last year, Ben and I have surfed fertility sites fairly often. And, I would make the bold assumption that most Barren Karen and Blank Franks do. One particular fertility site “fertility friends UK,” is where we have spent the most time. It’s where we found our clinic (don’t judge), have read other people’s stories, and gathered the majority of our fear breeding information about all things embryo related. This being said, I have never had the huevos grandes to make my own post. There are several reasons for this. The biggest reason is that once you have taken the bold move to post on a fertility forum, it means you have crossed over into IVF obsession. A typical post looks something like this (in fact) this is right off of the forum....

· Gold Member
· Posts: 1352
· Bubbles 5557
· Click to Blow
· Gender:
· I love bubbles - please click them for me xx

> Evening everyone,

Sorry I didn't get on last night, Cropi is taking up a lot of time at the moment, I'm leaving the house at 6.30am and not getting home until 7pm so I am totally knackered!!

Debs - woohoo for you stimming from Friday

that is fantastic news. Normally you stimm for between 12-17 days, so it will be at the end of the week commencing 16th and certainly not any earlier than the Wednesday. I would of thought that egg collection would be Friday or Monday, or over the weekend if Bourne Hall do them at the weekends. Good luck hun

Sooty - Welcome to the thread hun, you'll find a lot of help and support from us lot. We have stuck together through hell and high water for the last 2 1/2 years, you've always find someone to help or just listen. Good luck

Em - Hi hun, did you get your jobs done today?? I know what its like to lack incentive, I've got a mountain of washing to get done and i'm seriously running out of clothes The second load is on right now and there is another one to go one yet, at least I should be able to get it dry on the line tomorrow. Just got to iron the blinking stuff then How are you feeling now?? better I hope

Rivka - I'm sorry hun that you had such a hard time at the hospital, why can't these awful situations just go smoothly without all of the heartache that we already have.

Its good news that you don't think that the killer cells are an issue for you, at least thats something knocked off the list. Have you been to St Mary's in London yet?? If not I seriously suggest that you ask your doctor to refer you there. If not get a private appt with Mr Evans Jones and he will refer you, like her did me. They are really good up there and 'may' be able to give you some definitive answers

I've had a text from Lisa, she was sunbathing around the pool and she said that its gorgeous and really hot, she's having a great time and sends her love xx

Take care everyone and I'll be on tomorrow

Lots of love to you all

Tricksy xxx

Me 35 DH 36
TTC for 7 years. 5 x IUI's.
3 ICSI's 06-09 at ISIS.
Moved to CARE Notts Jan 09.
4th failed ICSI (even after immune treatment as follows:
1) Moderately high Natural Killer Cells Activity (50:1 is 20.6 - should be below 15%), and:
2) High TNF alpha (is 35.7 - should be below 30) = 1 x Intralipid infusion/20mg prednisolone
3) Shared DQ Alpha with DH (0102), and
4) Negative LAD = Lymphocyte Immune Therapy with DH's blood (with Dr Armstrong, Portland Hospital).
5) Poor uterine blood flow (viagra/LDA, 20mg clexane)

It’s me again….

My next blog post for all of you non-ivfers will be a dissection of the OE, DH, BFT, and OTD. Don’t take this dissection lightly as it’s taken me a year to google all of these acronyms…And no, I still don’t know what having 5777 bubbles means.

Anyway, the point of having the above post is to show how much of a commitment posting actually is. It isn't just asking a simple questions such as: “Anybody have side effects on Gonal-F? Those injection sure seem terrible.”

If posting were that easy, everybody would do it. With fertility forums, you post baby tickers, smiley faces, hug faces, multiple uses of OMG!! Words of encouragement, all of your personal history including afterthoughts of your last failed cycle, the fight you had with your spouse (DH) and the last time you went to the bathroom. You share all of your feelings, heartache, joy, pain, and war stories. YOU ARE IN IT TO SPREAD BABY DUST EVERYWHERE YOU POST.

But alas, my baby dust wand is probably laced with Fentanyl because of the countless nights Ben and I spent laughing at other childless couples baby tickers and injection war stories. We would mock the amount of time and energy childless couples used to start, read, and post to these these forums…and we would do it all, while we to, were on the fertility forums. Irony noted.

Big breath of confession. Soooo, when I decided to post (after lurking on the Gennet forum for ohhh, about a month), it was with slight indignation - But I do feel that being three weeks from my first cycle, I can be obsessed. For three weeks. Only three weeks. I trust that a bold friend will tell me if I overdo it (and no, staying home on a Friday night waiting for someone to reply to my post about blastocyctes and refreshing the page every three minutes for a six hour duration does not qualify as obsessed).

Because if I do think/talk/breath nothing but egg follicles/embryo transfers/injections and nobody tells me to the point where I end up friendless except for one of those fake/real babies with s stroller and full size crib, I will place blame.

Back to my post: This is copied strait from the site, honestly.

“Hi everybody,

I'm new to this thread. I go to Gennet for my first IVF treatment August 18th. I will be there for 21 days because I'm coming from the states. I was wondering what protocol they put everybody on? They are having me on a short protocol with BCP for 21 days prior to my arrival. I read that they don't normally do that for first timers and now I’m a little concerned.”

That was it. No history, no baby or weight loss tickers, nothing.

Anyway, I quick posted it before I could change my mind. Promptly after that, I changed my entire profile so Ben wouldn’t see that I had posted anything. I changed the password, the email address, everything but the screen name. I thought my secret was safe with my new forum buddies and me. But I forgot one thing. I forgot to close the screen on the iPad.

It only took about two minutes after he got home to grab the ipad and open the screen up. Then, my worst nightmare. He looked over with a smirk and said, “you posted?” He might as well have said, “you crossed over to the land of obsession. Next stop, 15 failed IVF cycles and a second mortgage later.”

I demanded the ipad back to delete my indiscretion. My face was so hot and red I thought my skin would burn up. Being embarrassed is well, embarrassing. I don’t like it one bit.

I finally got the ipad back and logged out, but the damage was done. Ben is all knowing now and won’t leave it alone.

I would go on, but now that Ben is out of the room I need to log back in and congratulate Mrs. T for her BFP and give Meeps a few words of encouragement so she can start planning for her next cycle.